The Shaw Conspiracy
Ok...so when we had our internet updated...they cut off the free cable I was revelling in...dang it...
Part of me is quite pleased with my newfound freedom...I was growing an uneasy addiction to chilling CSI episodes and reality TV...so..I went to Chapters and bought books.
Have you ever walked around Chapters with no real agenda...I'm starting to hope for more times like those. I felt amazing, beautiful and adventurous...strange but do you know what I mean? I kept looking at different titles, wondering what they would be filled with, kept praying that I could be inspired by something, someones thoughts, and have them bring to life something long dead in me...well maybe not dead but floundering...thrashing like a dead fish about to go in the pot...What ever do I want to do with my life? With my day for that matter...But I'm happy. Does that make everything else ok? Like the fact that I'm not necessarily saving the world...or changing it...I want to believe. I want to believe that I'm changing the world.
But I'm not gonna lie!!! When I sing...full out...man. Man alive. I could scream sometimes when I hear people sing...I want them to sing full out. People don't sing full out often enough you think? I want to feel something when I sing...If I dont', It's not singing...Something needs to connect, physically connect. In church, sometimes...when I'm close to Godtimes...I could scream...because I want to sing. But I can't. I can only sing...but I really want to SING...but no one wants anyone to sing...
So...I bought books...
Part of me is quite pleased with my newfound freedom...I was growing an uneasy addiction to chilling CSI episodes and reality TV...so..I went to Chapters and bought books.
Have you ever walked around Chapters with no real agenda...I'm starting to hope for more times like those. I felt amazing, beautiful and adventurous...strange but do you know what I mean? I kept looking at different titles, wondering what they would be filled with, kept praying that I could be inspired by something, someones thoughts, and have them bring to life something long dead in me...well maybe not dead but floundering...thrashing like a dead fish about to go in the pot...What ever do I want to do with my life? With my day for that matter...But I'm happy. Does that make everything else ok? Like the fact that I'm not necessarily saving the world...or changing it...I want to believe. I want to believe that I'm changing the world.
But I'm not gonna lie!!! When I sing...full out...man. Man alive. I could scream sometimes when I hear people sing...I want them to sing full out. People don't sing full out often enough you think? I want to feel something when I sing...If I dont', It's not singing...Something needs to connect, physically connect. In church, sometimes...when I'm close to Godtimes...I could scream...because I want to sing. But I can't. I can only sing...but I really want to SING...but no one wants anyone to sing...
So...I bought books...
posted by betty at 10:11 PM
6 Comments:
i know what you mean about singing...i TOTALLY know what you mean about singing...
Bets...don't know about the singing thing. For obvious reasons.
Wondering if you're trying out for Canadian Idol. I know, it's almost an insult to your talent - but dang, I want to see you on TV.
so books are really good. although addicting as well. however, don't really worry about the others, just sing. they usually have headphones anyway, so they wouldn't really hear you, besides when you really sing it sounds alright so really it's their problem. so this is random but i just wanted to let you know that i'm here and if you need someone to sing to you can come to delhi...
love you,
ohh!! i agree with sabrina. you should totally try out for canadian idol! you would win, obviously. i am glad you bought books. there's nothing better.
I hate it when you sing, and wish you would never do it. Of which of course I mean the opposite.
I missed you at alimni:( Alas, one of these days on my six off I'll have to come down for a little visitar! You're looking really good by the way... Noth that you didn't before, just good in a different way! Much Love!
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